8 Books to Read After Your Death

A somewhat comprehensive list – JUSTIN TELLECTUAL 

 

Milk & Honey – Rupi Kaur

Unfortunately, you’ll have probably read about half of this already, purely from its countless Instagram features. But never fear, it’s by no means necessary to read it in its entirety. All of the poems are literally the same. #deep #meaningful #likeforlike

 

The Dictionary – God and his cronies

This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Having regrettably wasted many days working my way through this thrill-less pile of paper, I can safely say that you can really get away without doing the same. I would, however, defend the thesaurus until the day I die.

 

This picture keeps me awake at night

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins

One of the more unfortunate additions to this list, the third instalment in Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games trilogy seemed determined to disappoint. It’s basically the most rambling storyline of all time, consisting mainly of people running about in tunnels. 3/10.

 

Love, Tanya – Tanya Burr

Are you actually having a laugh? This is to be avoided at all costs. I’ve read it twice and am still unable to work out what the point of it is. Even Zoella can hold a more convincing narrative. Oh wait sorry – she didn’t write her book, did she? (Sorry; couldn’t resist).

 

Game of Thrones – George R.R. Martin

Honestly, who has the time? Unless you’re looking for some serious #gainz in the bicep realm then there’s not much to get out of these paper products. Just watch the show if you have an insatiable appetite for incest and violence. It’s all a bit worrying really.

 

A risky mug placement

The Norton Shakespeare – Ya boi Shakespeare etc

Hopefully this is an obvious one. It’s basically akin to Hermione Granger’s version of ‘light reading’, which in other words means that no one else would – or should – ever pick it up. You should really get some new hobbies if you don’t agree that this is the case.

 

Will Grayson, Will Grayson – John Green

Oh look, it’s John Green pushing his luck once again. If you’ve been unlucky enough to encounter any of his other books, you’ll know that once you’ve read one, you’ve read literally all of them. Just change the character names and location and you’re good.

 

Lanark: A Life in Four Books – Alasdair Gray

As wild as it sounds, this nightmare of a volume is incredibly long and incredibly dull. I’m really not clear on what you’re supposed to think at the end apart from ‘thank the lord that’s over’. If Alasdair wanted to write a life in four books, why didn’t he just write four bloody books?